There are many things we can not have in this life. For far too long I placed more value on these than was necessary or healthy. Though truthfully, I rarely let these interfere with my ability to be grateful for the many blessings in my life. Yet there, in part of my brain and in my heart lie one big “I can’t have”….we all have at least one, right? The healthy part of me knew it was time to acknowledge my loss and say good bye to the pain.
The one big “I can’t have”? A loving, nurturing dad. You know the one I speak of, you’ve seen him. The dotting father who gets a twinkle in his eye when he looks at his little girl. The one who would do anything to protect her from the pain of the world. No, I didn’t have that, I never have. He didn’t walk me down the aisle when I got married, either time ;). He never threatened the men who wanted to date me with a giant baseball bat. He never got teary eyed at the thought of me growing up and leaving home. Nope I didn’t have that either. Though not having it never stopped me from longed for it. And let’s be honest, there will be a part of me that always will. Yet, if I am to move fully forward in this life, I have to let go. I have to walk away from the pain of what will never be if I am to fully experience all that life has to offer.
When I wrote my New Years blog, I wrote about letting go. Admittedly, this is going to be the biggest letting go of my life. I have let go of many things, painful things, in my life, though this will be, by far, the hardest. Yet, of all the things I know about myself I do know that once I set my mind to something there is nothing but death itself that can stop me. This will be the greatest gift I can give myself this year. I start the process of letting go right in this moment. I remind myself that 42 years is a long time to hold on to something, it may take me a minute to get there. Though in the end, the light that will radiate through me will be blinding. Get ready to pull out those sunglasses folks! Here is to letting go!
Remember this life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Take it slow and steady, be gentle with yourself and stay hydrated.
Your DelightfullyUrban Blogger~